I smell stomach acid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
