Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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