thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
