why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was like eating out sand paper
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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