Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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