You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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