MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
