i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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