no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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