i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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