I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
