bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
