Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
