Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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