he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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