I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
