Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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