Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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