my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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