Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
