dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
