i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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