Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
