come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
