I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
