just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
