The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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