Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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