ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
