you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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