We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize