i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
