My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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