i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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