I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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