ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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