i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
