I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is Oprah even human
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
