Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
