Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
