so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
