I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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