There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
try to milk me bitch
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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