I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
did i just pee glitter
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
