So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My nipple is on Facebook.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
