do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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