omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He better not be in your backpack
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
