haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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