i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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