Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
