I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
