how can u be prego again
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
