This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
