Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
