So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
