I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
