DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
