sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
