Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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