the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
