Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
