I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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