There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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