Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
