hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
